I can't tough it out for the kids sake any longer ! After 12 yrs. of marriage things are still

We havn't said I love you in about 10 yrs. My sons are 11 - 4 . We have always been like roomates who have kids together. My wife and I don't really have anything in common, and I think its always been a cultural thing. I'm white and she's Hispanic. I realize now this has always been an issue under the surface.

I had a bad accident (near fatal) about a 18 months ago helping a stranded motorists and she never cried or said how terrible - things you'd expect from your spouse . She asked how long I'd be in the hospital ! She now has a decent job w/benefits. I'm thinking of making a move while I'm still realitvly young (41) and have most of my hair and teeth. I work in healthcare and a lot of females have expressed interest in my marital status. But, where do I start ? I want to sell the house and give her the money. Neither of us could afford it on our own. I know people have worse problems but this is such a hollow existence.

Sincere advice is appreciated

I can't tough it out for the kids sake any longer ! After 12 yrs. of marriage things are still the same.?

Get a divorce. There's nothing worse than being trapped in a bad marriage. Growing up in a loveless household doesn't do your kids any good either.........So tru, going thru that now, and im telling you it wont matter if your there for 2 or 20 years, if it isnt there, it wont be, get out and take the hit, then move on. You should know what you want by now at the age of 41.

Good luck.

I can't tough it out for the kids sake any longer ! After 12 yrs. of marriage things are still the same.?

do u love her???

If u do try to make it work....if u don't love her--then yes sell the house and split the proceeds and you will be paying child support

I can't tough it out for the kids sake any longer ! After 12 yrs. of marriage things are still the same.?

Get a divorce. There's nothing worse than being trapped in a bad marriage. Growing up in a loveless household doesn't do your kids any good either.

Good luck to you.

I can't tough it out for the kids sake any longer ! After 12 yrs. of marriage things are still the same.?

nuthin to it but to do it ,grow some balls and leave

I can't tough it out for the kids sake any longer ! After 12 yrs. of marriage things are still the same.?

a love-less marrige is sad, but you owe your children the best you can do. you married this woman, fix it or keep working on it.

in your next life you can marry someone else.

give it 2 more years (truly trying to fix things)

then move on, but you better have good reasons for your kids when they ask.

I can't tough it out for the kids sake any longer ! After 12 yrs. of marriage things are still the same.?

You say: "I'm thinking of making a move while I'm still realitvly young (41) and have most of my hair and teeth."

Bwahahaha!

I can't tough it out for the kids sake any longer ! After 12 yrs. of marriage things are still the same.?

well by you two staying together your really not doing the kids any good im sure they can see that you two dont really care or love each other just tell her you want a divorce and to sell your home and give her the money and discuss a parenting plan im sure she has been thinking the same thing

I can't tough it out for the kids sake any longer ! After 12 yrs. of marriage things are still the same.?

you need to divorce the kids need to see parents who love each other they say sometimes it takes a traggic thing to make us see how much we love our spouse sometimes we take them for granted well there sound like theres no love between either one so just talk about it and try and end as friends for the kids sake

I can't tough it out for the kids sake any longer ! After 12 yrs. of marriage things are still the same.?

complete one relationship, before starting another.

I can't tough it out for the kids sake any longer ! After 12 yrs. of marriage things are still the same.?

You should sit down with your wife and tell her exactly what you just shared with us. If she feels the same, as you, then you will be able to proceed. If she does not feel the same way about your marriage as you, just tell her it is not working for you. The first thing you need to do is hire a good attorney.

I can't tough it out for the kids sake any longer ! After 12 yrs. of marriage things are still the same.?

I can not help but notice that you mentioned other females. Are you sure that this isn't a part of the problem? After a bad relation with one female why would you want to try another one or two out so soon? Does your happiness depend on females?

Divorce always hurts the kids. I don't know why people deny it. Mommy and Daddy go their way, make new lives for themselves and their new partners while the kids are stuck picking up the pieces and adjusting. Have you tried counseling?

I can't tough it out for the kids sake any longer ! After 12 yrs. of marriage things are still the same.?

that's a sad situation.. :( divorce is always a very bad experience for everyone.. is there any chance you could rekindle your relationship with your wife if you went to counseling or something? maybe if you initiated it she would be responsive.. sometimes couples let pride get in the way of what they both want.. like both people would like to fix the relationship, but both are too proud to initiate it.. of course maybe you've tried all these things already, I don't know.. I don't know what I'd do if I had an accident and my wife acted like she didn't care.. good luck man.. that sounds really painful.. :(

I can't tough it out for the kids sake any longer ! After 12 yrs. of marriage things are still the same.?

why don't u sit her down and tell her what u have just said here. u could be right and what if u are way off the mark here. first step is to find out where u stand with her. then take it from there

I can't tough it out for the kids sake any longer ! After 12 yrs. of marriage things are still the same.?

Listen, it's okay for you to ask advice. Most guys I know wouldn't give the ex's anything let alone the money from the house. You two need to sit and talk amongst a counselor. Tell her your feelings in front of one. If you feel empty or hollow inside, there's not much left, you need a fresh start, just date, don't remarry right away or you'll be in the same boat again. Just be truthful, it never hurts to be honest. Maybe she feels the same about you. Hey sometimes people grow apart, it happens. Also, don't start dating with co-workers, it will be a nightmare, I've done it, all it does is cause gossip. I think you'll do the right thing in the end. Good luck man

I can't tough it out for the kids sake any longer ! After 12 yrs. of marriage things are still the same.?

Toughing it out for the kids is not a reason to remain in a loveless marriage. I have to admit that it will be hard on the children, but they're not dumb or blind to the fact that mommy and daddy have a strain on them. It's best to end the marriage and allow yourself and your wife the ability to rebuild your lives, and possibly remarry at some point. I have to ask though, have you two tried to talk about the gap in your relationship? Have you just danced around the issues in your marriage until you've reached this point? This may sound corny, but you need to pray and ask God for guidance.

I can't tough it out for the kids sake any longer ! After 12 yrs. of marriage things are still the same.?

I am currently in a relationship that is coming to an end for the same types of reasons. Making a big change like this will mean sacrifice and fear of the unknown ahead. Keep in mind that this existence you've come to know and dislike will be over and you will have a fresh start. You can do anything you like and take time to think about you and what your hopes and dreams are now that there isn't anyone else in the picture who requires your consideration. Stop wasting time and being miserable. There is a light at the end of every tunnel you just have to deal with the dark until you make it to the other side. Best Wishes!

I can't tough it out for the kids sake any longer ! After 12 yrs. of marriage things are still the same.?

this would be why you never stay together for the kids. no doubt they are feeling the tension in the house as well. i would get a divorce, it's better for all of you in the long run. you already lost 12 years that you could have been happy, don't make it the rest of your life.

I can't tough it out for the kids sake any longer ! After 12 yrs. of marriage things are still the same.?

Working in health care I would think you have to be semi-intelligent and wouldn't have to ask a whole bunch of total strangers what you should do.

Hey...if you have decided to leave, get a divorce, split the assets equally and move on.

As for your wife being Hispanic and this being a cultural thing....I don't buy it...most Hispanic folks I know are extremely family oriented.

You say "a lot of females" have expressed interest in your marital status"....gee this sounds more and more like a middle age crisis.

Guess a lot of folks won't like this answer but you post asking opinions...this is mine, and you are welcome to take it or leave it.

I can't tough it out for the kids sake any longer ! After 12 yrs. of marriage things are still the same.?

If you have gone for 12 yrs and things are still not worked, I would leave. It is nice to stay for the sake of children but you have to think about yourself also. I would start by discussing it with her and then go and talk with a lawyer. He/she will advise you on how and what you have to do to make it as comfortable as it can be for both of you. Hope this helps.

I can't tough it out for the kids sake any longer ! After 12 yrs. of marriage things are still the same.?

Hollow existence-- Can you imagine that for yourself and for your kids? I would hope not! Kids need to see a healthy, loving relationship between their parents. have you spoken to your wife about this? Perhaps she is feeling the same? I don't really understand the culture part of the question. Are you "In Love" with your wife? I'm glad that you have gotten better after the accident. But it was life changing for you and it should have been for her too. I would have thought it would have brought the two of you together. Since if didn't think about moving on. Also, are you ready to jump into a new relationship so quickly?

I can't tough it out for the kids sake any longer ! After 12 yrs. of marriage things are still the same.?

It's about time you leave. It's a hard decision, and it's going to be a painful process. But you have to do it, for your own sanity. There's nothing in this world as bad as being in a relationship that you don't want to be in.

Find a place to live....a place that's safe for you, and where your children are welcome part time.

Sit down, talk with her, and tell her you're leaving. Considering her response with the hospital thing, it doesn't sound like she's going to be too offended.

Call an attorney to start the paperwork for a divorce.

The sale of the house, etc... that all comes later... Selling it now... doesn't do you any good. Also, with the sale of this house... it's nice that you want to give her the $$$... but really...haven't you put your share into it already? Why pay both child support, AND give her 100% proceeds of the house. You gotta take care of yourself too... for your sake, and your kids sake.

I can't tough it out for the kids sake any longer ! After 12 yrs. of marriage things are still the same.?

I would try to wait for the kids to grow up. But if I were actually going through it, things might be different. You have to either make the move or prolong it. And we can't really answer that for you. Good luck. I hope all goes as good as it can.

I can't tough it out for the kids sake any longer ! After 12 yrs. of marriage things are still the same.?

Have you even talked to her to see if she would like a split too? Maybe she does but feels bound by her vows.

You have to be happy, living in a miserable relationship isn't healthy for anyone, especially the kids. they pick up on vibes even if nothing is ever said. talk to your wife (for the first time in years?) and tell her how you feel, ask how she feels. leave out the part about other women finding you attractive, though, no sense in hurting your wife or "going there". Just make it about you and her not being happy. I hope you can have a decent split-up if you choose that route.

I can't tough it out for the kids sake any longer ! After 12 yrs. of marriage things are still the same.?

I feel your PAIN. You have to do what's best for you. Does sound kind of COLD that she wasn't interested in your well being after the accident. Maybe it's time for you to move on.

I can't tough it out for the kids sake any longer ! After 12 yrs. of marriage things are still the same.?

Being a child from a loveless marriage was worse than when my parents got divorced. If you two are sticking it out for the kids, you should think twice. Staying in a loveless marriage might be hurting them more than a divorce ever would. There are solutions. If you really care what your kids would want, then get a divorce but don't move far away from each other. It gives you the ability to find love but also you will always know your kids are close by should anything ever happen.

Obviously you feel like you need to end the relationship. In the end you have to look out for yourself at some point. There many ways to keep your kids happy as well as yourself.

Good Luck.

I can't tough it out for the kids sake any longer ! After 12 yrs. of marriage things are still the same.?

It makes no sense for you to step out on your wife until you try to communicate with her and really acknowledge that after two children together, you really do share something in common. That could improve if you stop worrying about how you are going to look 10 years from now. If you are tiring of being with the wife of your youth, how much more tired will you become of these other females who are now interested in -- more than likely , your money? Best wishes.

I can't tough it out for the kids sake any longer ! After 12 yrs. of marriage things are still the same.?

You are not doing your children any favors by letting them watch their parents live this way. Is this how you want them to model their marriages? You will probably be a better father if you divide time between parents. If your wife is self sufficient there should be no guilt. If you can walk away knowing that you have tried everything and there are no hard feelings, then go. Life is too short to not be loved. Good luck

I can't tough it out for the kids sake any longer ! After 12 yrs. of marriage things are still the same.?

Unfortunately, feelings change, and it sounds like yours have. I don't know if your wife loves you, but it is time to leave. You should not live like this. I know you have kids together, but kids sense these things and you are better off living separate than letting your kids see you live like this. Your job as a parent is to raise your children to have healthy relationships. I say it is time you move on. I think it will be good if you can remain friends with your wife. You also need to maintain a good relationship with your kids. It is important. I wish you the best of luck.